Friday, March 16, 2012

Friday Funny: Things Riders Say in Public....

This is inspired by a few COTH threads I've read over the years where riders have laughed about stuff they've said in public that have gotten them very funny looks.  This list is comprised entirely of things I've actually said... on the phone at the grocery store, in a restaurant, walking down the street, etc., that have gotten me some really funny looks, caused waiters to choke, mothers to usher their children away from my direction, and men on the train to turn around in their seats....
1.   Of course I'm going to try to get her pregnant again!  Why else am I paying all this money?

2.   Hey do you remember where you got that huge thing of KY Jelly?  [Think sheath cleaning]

3.   Ugh, did I tell you?  The fungus is back.

4.  ... well I stayed on him for over an hour and let me tell you he will NOT be trying that again!

5.   Yeah, she'll just live outside the whole time she's pregnant.

6.   His feet have been absolutely reeking lately.  I need to pick something up for him.

7.   Some days I think he's just too big for me and I'm never going to be able to ride him right. 

8.   Poor baby.  There was diarrhea all over the walls.  [My friend replying "awwww" only compounded the situation.]

9.   Maybe I need new stirrups... or maybe it's the leathers....

10. Yeah, I'm definitely going to jump him tomorrow.  We both need it.

And along the same lines, here's one of the funniest things that ever happened to me as a young attorney.  I came out of a meeting one day and went to my assistant (who was close to retirement and a very sweet woman) for my messages.  She kept her eyes down on her desk, her face turned red, and she handed me a folded up note.  I figured I was getting sacked, for sure. 

I unfolded the note and read:   "Dr. Furlong's office called.  Your frozen semen has arrived."

When I was breeding Secret (Julie's mom), I tried twice (unsuccessfully) to breed to Alla' Czar.  That day, the day that the shipment was supposed to arrive, I had forgotten my cell phone at home.  So I gave the clinic my office number.  Needless to say, my assistant and I shared a good laugh once I clarified that I was not, in fact, trying to conceive a child...  well not a two-legged one, at least.

So, let's hear it, what have you said in public that's raised some eyebrows?

9 comments:

  1. LOL, that is hilarious about your note!! Probably the funniest thing I ever said was "When I was cleaning him, I was literally elbow deep in his man pocket"
    Gee-ross

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very funny. I'm sure I've said some weird things in public but I can't remember them at the moment. Although, the latest was probably trying to explain to the pharmacist that my male horse had a sort of yeast infection and I needed a lot of tubes of Tinactin for jock itch. Or when I was buying adult diapers for my daughter's dog Molly who was hit by a car and couldn't get out to the bathroom. It always ends with the statement "really, it's not for me!" Yeah, sure lady...

    ReplyDelete
  3. The note ting had me rolling, but i really lost it in the comments section over the "man pocket" bit!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love this. We are immenselt awkward.

    Lately, mine was, "He's the best old guy I ever rode."

    Um... yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  5. About the worse I've had was being asked in lab classes how I learned to use a microscope so well even though I'm only a freshman. I responded with "I run fecal exams sometimes." I didn't clarify it was at an equine vet office and why such things occur. Awkward. But not near as awkward as what you have said!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I read this in Starbucks (waiting again) and nearly snorted my coffee on the nice Russian gentleman I offered to share my table with. Luckily, he'd buried his head in his computer, because I believe I was repeating some of these outloud, under my breath, between snorts and seizures.

    Anyone who presses the Emergency Button on TLH over the weekend is going to land smack on this post!

    As for funny comment moments in my life, it's semen, hands down. Daisy and I were discussing potential stallion choices for her mare, pre-Murphy, in public. Coffee shop. I'm remember things like "But do you think he'll PRODUCE?" and "I hear he always throws himself" and "we should be hearing about semen quantity in the next day or so".

    ReplyDelete
  7. This post had me laughing so hard!! Gotta love being a horse person.

    I always get funny looks when I'm buying baby diapers, iodine, sugar, and duct tape for abscesses!! Good times...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ha ha!

    "4. ... well I stayed on him for over an hour and let me tell you he will NOT be trying that again!"

    I can personally attest to the looks of horror/disgust/confusion you get if you say this in public!! :)

    But my favorite story isn't actually mine. I work at a breeding farm and my coworker got her car washed at the local car wash. She dropped her car off, waited for it to get cleaned inside and out and came back out. When she walked over to get in, all the guys were SUPER friendly. Smiling at her, saying have a good day and being pretty suggestive. She didn't think much of it, other than odd, and got in. She noticed that a box used to ship frozen/cooled semen was sitting on her passenger seat! :) It's clearly labeled as "semen" several times on the box. Needless to say, she doesn't go back to that car wash!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I cackled at these like we're still sitting next to each other in sixth grade, cracking adolescent jokes sotto voce in class. Does that say something about me?

    ReplyDelete

Please feel free to leave a comment (I love reading them) as long as you are respectful and kind, and only use language you'd use in front of your grandma. Thanks!