Monday, April 25, 2011

Fluffy Gray Cat: Free to a Good Home

No, not really.  But when I got up at 6:30 this morning to discover what Sterling had done during the night, he would have been free to the first taker. 

It's never a good sign when the first words out of your mouth in the morning are:  "What the #$%^* is THAT?"  It's the kind of morning that only a pet owner can truly appreciate. 

At one point during the night I half woke up to the sound of a loud crash, but figured he was just tearing around the apartment like a crazed lunatic for no reason at all, as per usual, and had knocked over a picture frame.  Given that my usual one-hour drive home from my grandparents' house took a solid 3 1/2 hours with traffic (including an entire hour spent creeping across a bridge), I was tired, so I did not get up to investigate.  Big mistake.

This morning I discovered that the loud crashing noise was Sterling knocking the screen out of the window, through which he spent the night carrying earth worms into my apartment.  Yes, I woke up this morning to find several HUGE slimy, filthy, stinking worms creeping and crawling around on my floor.  One of which he had previously ingested.  I'd have to say, on the list of "Worst Possible Ways to Spend the First Five Minutes of Your Day," peeling earth worms off your carpet is right up there at the top. 

The cats of course spent these minutes trying to trip me and howling because the arrival of their breakfast was delayed during this process.  Which caused me to look up at them in complete and utter frustration, as I scrubbed worm guts out of my carpet, and ask of their desparately starving (overly plump) faces emploring me for food like the children who are actually starving on those info-mecials, "WHY do I even HAVE YOU?"  An hour later on the train, I thought to myself "Did I really spend the morning cleaning up worms?  How can this possibly be my life?"

I try to provide a nice environment for my pets.  Plenty of cushy pillows, cat beds, and comfy perches.  A ridiculously large collection of cat toys.  Things upon which one can sharpen one's claws (of course, they still prefer my couch when I'm not looking).  Plenty of food (though they will tell you otherwise).  A nice clean litter box.  Regular grooming.  And THIS is the thanks that I get.  It really makes me question why on earth anyone would want a cat.  When I see their sweet little faces greeting me after work tonight, I'll probably change my mind.  Until, of course, one of them does something else completely unnecessary and disgusting.

Anyone have any ideas for how to keep a cat away from a window screen?


  1. Ha ha ha ha! Oops, sorry. :-) I love cats.

    My long haired cat, Cleo, liked to sleep on the dining room chairs while I was at work. Her hair would become entwined in the fabric and it would take me forever to clean the chair before company came. What I did was make loops of masking tape, sticky side out, and place a couple on each chair. When she jumped up on the chair, the tape would stick to her fur, which she hated. Made for an interesting looking cat when I got home. :-) Because it's masking tape, it was easy to remove from her fur. This went on for a couple of days and then she stopped jumping on the chairs. Perhaps you could put a couple of lengths of masking tape, sticky side out, across the screen? Good luck!!

  2. That is hilarious.

    And I'm so glad it happened to someone other than me.

    My kitty is sometimes called "Houdinki" for a reason. I used to leave him outside, go to work, and have him greet me inside the house when I got home. I thought I was going crazy until I found a tiny hole in a window screen that he'd found a way to shove himself through.

    Clever bastards.

  3. Times like this, I do not miss having cats. What a way to start your day!

  4. This made me laugh until I cried. THIS is the stuff my cat does to me all the time and I feel like I've got an escaped looney-tune from the insane asylum!

  5. You are hilarious! Can't wait to hear more about Jules!

  6. Wow. This is why my furry companions are...well...plush. Teddy-bear style. I'm sure they do get rowdy sometimes while I'm out, but I've never come home to find earthworms mashed on my floor. Ugh.


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