Monday, September 27, 2010

How Not to Photograph a Horse, Part 2

For Part 1 of this series, please go here

Part 2 of this lecture series focuses on more advanced techniques in How Not to Photograph a Horse.  If the instructions below are followed carefully, you too can convince your friends and relatives that you own a llama with magical powers.

Step 1:  Leave your expensive new digital camera at home.  A photo series is much better when taken with one's camera phone.  Especially when one can't remember which button takes the picture.

I call this one "Still Life: Scar, Spur Rub, and Proof that SmartShine Really is a Good Supplement."

Step 2:  As a refresher from Lecture #1, be sure no one is around to help.  Instead, put the horse on cross-ties.  That tends to make the horse stand in peculiar ways and hold his head at odd angles, which makes for brilliant photo ops.

Tucker walks into a bar.  Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

Step 3:  Make sure it's a bright, sunny day, and that your horse is backlit by the sun, but in a dark aisle where it will be tough to make out any details of his image.

"Don't go into the light Tucker...."

Step 4:  For best results, be sure the flourescent lights are on overhead.

This one's got kind of a romantic glow to it, no?

Step 5:  Try turning the flash on. 
"Take me to your leader"

Step 6:  This one's tricky.  It requires pointing the camera at your horse, in a metaphysical sense.  Not aiming for him specifically, but rather, generally. 

Didn't I do a nice job wrapping that day?

Once you've mastered the steps above, you're ready for advanced techniques in How Not to Photograph a Horse.  If you can put all the above steps together, you're headed for true photographic greatness.  Eventually, you'll be able to impress all of your friends with photos of your new llama, who has magical powers -- including lazer beams that shoot out of his eyeballs.

Magical Drama Llama


  1. OH i love this. Totally what I needed on a Monday. Tucker is one beautiful llama though!

  2. ROFL!!! "Tucker walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?" sent me over the edge!!

  3. I'd like to say great pictures but umm... Love the captions underneath, especially the bartender one. Had me really chuckling. I'll try and remember all these tips too, thanks.

  4. Hysterical. I literally laughed out loud.

  5. HEHEHEHE I love those weird but wonderful photo days! Tucker is the best sport ever!

  6. Too funny! Those laser beam eyes are just what you need for opening those bags of grain, Tucker!

  7. Hilarious! I had tears running down my face by the end! Tucker is such a good sport & I just love him!! With my excellent photography skills, our horses always come out looking like deformed, possessed goats.


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